THE ULTIMATE QUESTION

Creamy peanut butter. It's smooth, it spreads nicely, and it's easy to swallow. You barely even have to chew. When peanut butter was created, some magnificent human being looked at it and said, "Hey fellas, doesn't this look like butter?" And it was made from peanuts, so they called it peanut butter. It makes complete sense. It is spreadable, it is soft, it is creamy, and thus, it is called peanut butter, and it makes for some of the best sandwiches.

But then someone came along and thought, hey, what the heck are we making it smooth for? It needs a little extra crunch. And that microphallus didn't mix the peanut butter well enough and left it with some peanuts in it for crunch. Why? Why would he do that? Was there really a good reason for it other than "Haha what would happen if"? The thing about crunchy peanut butter is that it goes against the very name of peanut butter. When one thinks of butter, they imagine something soft, something that doesn't require a lot of effort to spread or to eat, something that comes in a nice container that can have a knife dipped into it without much work and smear on a piece of bread with ease. By leaving the peanuts in the peanut butter, it's defeating the purpose of the name "peanut butter". It's desecrating the Holy Name.

Brothers and sisters, pause and think before you answer this poll. If you're teetering on the edge because you're some mutant who thinks that both are good and you can't decide, consider that crunchy peanut butter is an insult to the good name of butter. To the good name of peanut butter. Please, vote creamy. It's superior.