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 Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed]

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PostSubject: Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed]   Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed] EmptyMon Aug 20, 2018 7:58 pm

They'd buried her in the memorial area in a plain oak coffin. There was no time for anything else. He didn't argue it. Jason knew he'd had to face reality, that Elodie was gone, that'd she'd only gone to Beata to betray them - that she'd used him. It left him sick by the mere thought of it, and some stupid, stubborn part of him still refused to believe it. Even after everything she'd done, he wanted to remember her as the serene, sweet woman that she was to him. That was so selfish, wasn't it?

But it was one of the only things consoling him, that and her.

He paused outside of the door to her infirmary room, guilt and regret ripping away at his stomach, but that didn't stop him from knocking and inviting himself to creak open the door. "Hey," Jace murmured. "Can I come in?"
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PostSubject: Re: Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed]   Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed] EmptyTue Aug 21, 2018 12:22 am

She didn't feel any pain. There was some stiffness in her shoulder, and a sharp pang every once and awhile, but nothing like how she'd imagined a stabbing would actually feel. They had her wrapped up in bandages, but she could sit up on her own just fine, playing with her fingers when he walked into the room. Hearing his voice swept her into relief, but she couldn't shake the lead feeling in her chest, or the nausea she got when she looked up and saw the haggard look on his face, his ruffled hair; he looked like a mess.

"Hi..." She was quick to look down. "Please."

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PostSubject: Re: Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed]   Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed] EmptyWed Aug 22, 2018 9:17 pm

God this place was fucking depressing.

Jason took in a deep breath and put on a nimble smile in thanks, nodding and slipping inside. He let the door click shut behind him and was quick to take the small seat at her bedside. What was it that he'd wanted to say again? There was so much on his mind he hardly even knew where to start.

He rubbed away at the back of his neck. "Thanks, I—" His smile wavered. "I kind of owe you big time, don't I?"
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PostSubject: Re: Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed]   Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed] EmptyWed Aug 22, 2018 11:00 pm

God. The word almost sighed out with her deep breath. What was she supposed to say? You're welcome. Glad I did it. That almost made her sick. But she wasn't... not glad she did it. She wasn't sure what exactly she felt about anything anymore. Evelyn shook her head, not meeting his eyes. "Don't m-mention it... You took ca-care of the both of us, b-b-back at Yyyell-yellow... Yel—..."

Fuck it. He got the idea.

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PostSubject: Re: Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed]   Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed] EmptyThu Aug 23, 2018 8:38 pm

He chuckled a bit, scooting the chair closer up to the bed and clearing his throat. "Yeah, I guess that's fair... but then, you'd saved my ass there too." The blonde brought himself to look at her, even as she couldn't stop avoiding his gaze. It'd be nice to see her face again, before she threw him out of the room, or something...

Breath in, breath out. He knew she wasn't exactly one for heart-to-hearts, but damn, if he didn't have a lot to get off his chest. So, she would have to deal with it.

"I'm— sorry that I've been ignoring you," Jace murmured. Now it was his turn to stare off into space. "I've just been remembering you, and us... and the more time I've spent around you, the more confusing things got and —" He paused, his words running away from him. "It wasn't fair to you. And after everything that's happened, I shouldn't pretend anymore."
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PostSubject: Re: Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed]   Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed] EmptyThu Aug 23, 2018 9:32 pm

It didn't stab her like she thought it would, but there wasn't any great rush of relief either, gratification, sadness, or validation of all the imagined scenarios she'd choreographed in her head, where he said the kind of words he was telling her right now. She just felt like slumping down and sighing. Why was it so hard to just speak what was on her mind? The words formed so easily in her head but crumbled apart and jumbled together before they could leave her mouth.

"It's n-n-not your fault... Th-this happens to e-everyone. Ev-every time." She raised her eyes toward him, looking at him from under her bangs. "So, i-it's best n-not t-t-to hang onto a-any of it, right? But I still r-r-remember." Evelyn blinked three too many times. "And I s-s-shouldn't hold it ag-against you, because y-y-you've always been s-so nice to me, e-e-even... wh-when you'd for-forget, again... a-and I knew I sh-should st-stop loving y-y-you, b-but I di-didn't want to let us g-go, a-and..."

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PostSubject: Re: Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed]   Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed] EmptyThu Aug 23, 2018 11:28 pm

"No! I was the one who left you." Jason tried to find the right words to say, nimbly shaking his head. Her words devastated him. "You — You're special. I knew you were different from the moment I saw you... again, fuck. I just didn't think that  —" He choked on the last few words. He didn't know what he'd been thinking. "I don't know..."

He swallowed, keeping his eyes glued to her bed-sheets. "I don't want to let us go either." Jace had been so stupid. She'd punched him back in the classrooms, before he remembered a thing, but he couldn't blame her in retrospect. He'd want to do far worse in her shoes. After that day, it'd hurt to even think about her, but he'd check for her everyday he could; and after the rooftop...

Jason knew he didn't have to take her home with him. She could've went anywhere. The more he thought back on it, the more selfish those actions felt to him.

"Those feelings, they're still there..."
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PostSubject: Re: Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed]   Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed] EmptyFri Aug 24, 2018 5:54 pm

She dashed the tears away before they could spill over her cheeks. Sheesh, she had always been such a baby. "I d-don't want t-to do it o-o-over again..." she admitted, hands balled into fists around the thin cot sheets. "If you're g-going to f-forget me ev-every time, then... what's the p-point?" Those were the words she had been waiting for, but hearing them now just made her feel sick. Her mind kept wandering back to her, the better woman, his picture-perfect match that just happened to be ripped from the portrait. Was this how she wanted to win him back? With a knife? "When I'm w-with you, I'm s-s-so happy, b-but it a-always gets erased. I don't kn-know if I c-could do it again..."

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PostSubject: Re: Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed]   Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed] EmptyThu Aug 30, 2018 7:09 pm

Jason crumbled under her harsh words. "I'm sorry, Snowflake." he said. His gaze rose up again only to settle at her pendant, near hidden away. It killed him that she still wore it, all that time. The smallest voice in the back of his head tugged away at him. If that's what she really wanted then she would probably be better off without him anyways; away from Rosebury, back in her old town. The insane Lolita army wouldn't follow her if she'd up and left.

But she waited for him, up until he found her clinging onto icy railing.

And she'd saved his life, twice.

She couldn't really mean that, could she?

The blonde gave up on trying to reason, shoving down his pride and moving onto the bed beside her. He didn't even think about it. "You were right, about everything - about leaving, and the phones, and - fuck-," He fought back the warmth in his eyes, refusing to let any tears fall. Jace didn't know what to do with his hands. "Eve, I promise... I won't leave you ever again. And you don't leave me either. We'll get a new place and it'll be just us and -"

And then...
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PostSubject: Re: Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed]   Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed] EmptySat Sep 01, 2018 1:40 pm

And? And then what? "I don't b-blame you," she said, hand clasping over the snowflake pendant around her neck. "I'm s-s-sorry too... B-but... Is it r-really still th-there, for you? Do you love me?" Could he say those exact words? Or for him, was it still too soon?

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PostSubject: Re: Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed]   Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed] EmptyTue Sep 04, 2018 7:55 pm

Of course, was what Jason wanted to say, but he hesitated, staring back down at the floor while he tried to gather his thoughts. Guilt mounting atop the rest. Truth be told, he knew that he loved her before. He knew how natural it felt being around her, and how nice it was, and why he had felt the need to distance himself from her for so long.

He knew that he'd feel completely lost if anything ever happened to her.

Jace reached up and brushed his palm up against her cheek, combing his fingers into her hair. Whatever thoughts still plagued him, he couldn't help but embrace how right it'd felt to be closer to her like this. He finally brought himself to look her in the eyes. "I—I love you, Evelyn."

Something snapped then. Suddenly his throat had clenched up and his vision blurred.

When had been the last time he told her that he loved her?

He hadn't a fucking clue.

His eyes clenched back up and he felt himself leaning in closer, touching his head to hers. "I love you. I love you so much."
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PostSubject: Re: Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed]   Panic Attack in my Local KFC [closed] EmptyTue Sep 04, 2018 8:14 pm

Evelyn let herself fold against him the moment he drew close. She wasn't any good at speaking her feelings. If she ever needed to tell her exactly what was on her mind, in her own untangled words, she'd write him a letter or send him a long text message one day. For now, it was easier just to latch onto him, as if to prevent him from slipping away again.

She was drained, and a little sniffly. And her arm was in a sling and maybe still hungover. Okay. A complete mess. But this felt... good. Like a return to normal.

"I love you too." For once, she didn't flub the word.

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