The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows [closed]

Evelyn gripped the cold metal, half bent over the railing, watching the snow drift into the courtyard, her breath clouding around her rosy cheeks. She drummed her fingers against the iron, keeping in time with the two-step marching beat inside her chest. The Academy seemed crystallized, frozen in ice, out of focus and out of ink. For the first time in a long time, she'd went to bed and woke up sober. For what seemed like the first time in forever, it felt like her head was clear. Shaky hands. Nausea. Were those withdrawals, or was that just cowardice?

Technically, she wasn't supposed to hang around here anymore. She was finally all packed up after milking her stay for as long as she could, cardboard boxes piled neatly outside the gate, but she didn't have anywhere to put them. If anybody noticed, they wouldn't care.

What now? They could set her up with a one-way ticket back to Helena. All she had to do was ask, it was that simple. Or get one of those apartments some of the other graduates were moving into, kick back, siphon off that easy Guardian money, keep living like she'd been living. Maybe take up a job somewhere in town, like the daycare, or maybe the school could use another secretary, or... Stupid. Who was she kidding?

She'd rather die than do any of those things. She meant it. She'd thought through it logically, step-by-step.

There wasn't anything keeping her here. There wasn't anything in front of her. Just a deep gulf, one footstep away. Evelyn swung one leg clumsily up over the railing, then the other, wobbling as she shifted her weight on the bar, heart thumping. To put it mechanically, if she had no function, then the best thing to do would be to self-destruct. She hovered over the edge, her breath hitching in her throat.

Just let go.

Any deep last thoughts? Anything?

Just get it over with.

Three. Two. One—...

The heavy metal door to the rooftops had swung open with a mighty creak. He had to stop and scuffle a bit of the snow out of the way, just so he could open the damn thing wide enough to fit himself through without spilling his bag of food all over the place. Normally, he'd have been eating in the classroom for lunch, but with droves of students (or admirers, as he suspected), had constantly hounded him for condolences since the return from Europe. Bruised, banaged, and left with a dumb cast, he'd found quickly that he'd like a little more peace for the next day or so. The rooftop was freezing, but there was a small bench with a little cover that would work well enough.

In truth, he hadn't even noticed the girl behind the railing before he'd taken his first few steps out; but once it'd finally hit him, it had slapped him into attention enough. He froze as if he'd suddenly wandered out onto a minefield. Jason had heard of people flying from the roof before, sometimes literally, sometimes not so literally as stupid attention stunts... this felt so completely different.

"Hey -" He lowered his lunch to the ground, reaching out with his steady hand and offering a nimble smile. "I know the view is nice and all but..."

The blonde fought back a stubborn frown. He was looking right at her, but it felt like trying to focus on a blur. She was only a few feet in front of him and he could see her clear as day. And yet... Have had to pick her apart. Worn, formal close. Short russled brown hair... Her skin looked so pale then, but of course it did, he couldn't have been better off. It rang familiar.

"Would you wanna step back here...?"

Had she already jumped and died, and that's why she was hearing that voice? Or maybe she'd been really fucked up this whole time, and this was the point where she woke up sweating on her dorm floor. She turned her head, almost jerking her shoulders with surprise, gripping the icy metal tighter beneath her fingers. Against all reason, any kind of sense, he was here, like the universe coalesced to fulfill all her worst case situations. It was too surreal to even register at first, she just nodded, and blinked, and almost wondered who, exactly, he was talking to, even with just the two of them alone on this snowy rooftop.

"Y-you—..." A million questions flooded to the front of her tongue, jamming up and damming her throat. Why was he here? When did he get back? Why now, of all times, after so long without seeing him? How did something this ridiculous happen on such a routine basis? "Y-your arm..."

Her eyes flicked over the cast, half-hidden in a sling. She snapped back to reality and glanced back down over her knees, to the earth spinning dizzyingly far beneath her toes. Suddenly, her stomach felt like it was full of lead. With a sharp breath, she shifted around, swinging her leg over the bar. "Y-yeah... I'm, I was just, well, I, y-y-you know, I was just k-kinda—" Evelyn cut herself off with a high squeal as she wobbled, swinging unevenly back and forth on the rail, stomach lurching, sweaty palms slicking up the cold metal, and then she was toppling over with a blood-curdling scream.

Funny, she hadn't made a sound like that since she last saw Jace up here.

Evelyn's wrist slammed against the first bar, hand catching the second as she fell. Pain rubber-banded up her arm, from knuckles to shoulder and up her neck as she swung there, suspended, legs kicking and churning in the air. "J-Jace...!"

It felt surreal standing there. He'd only taken one or two steps forward again as the two of them tried to stumble through a tense something of a conversation. For however lost she might have felt at the moment, he couldn't have been so far behind, warm eyes flickering to her grip on the frozen steel and down to the steep pavement below them.

"My arm...?" He pet out a light, wavering chuckle. It flew right over him, at least until he'd managed to take yet another foot closer. The bitter breeze didn't bite away so terribly at his bad arm. "Shi- you mean... Oh, this is nothing." Now wasn't the time for any sort of modesty on his behalf. He bit away at his cheek, unsure of himself.

Jason could have let out a huge sigh of relief then and there once the young brunette began to scuffle her way back around towards him. What was he supposed to say to her after this. How was he supposed to help her? Therapy wasn't his forte or anything. If she would even want any help. Wasn't this the same girl who never attended his class? He could remember their talk, but he couldn't remember seeing her again, or who she was, or...

or...

It'd taken all but one split-second or the color to flush out of his face. One moment she was there and the next she wasn't. His stomach had twisted in knots and leapt up in his throat, and he might have been completely paralyzed hadn't he heard his name ring in his ears.

The Autumn damn near flew for the edge. "Evelyn!" With a sharp grind in his teeth, he reached over and gripped at her arm, doubling awkward over the railing. It was hard to hold her, hard to get any sort of stable footing when he only had one good hand and nothing but sleet to stand on. "Climb up!"

Oh, gee. That was the only thing that ran through her mind, more or less. She should've just gone for it. That would've been romantic. Movie perfect. It was just like her to even mess something like this up—... Evelyn stared up into space, face flushing, numbing up at the shoulder, pain gnawing at the inside of her knuckles. Her palm stuck against the frozen metal as she flailed, making some not-so-dignified noises as she swung.

Shit.

Now that it was an accident, now that she felt the wind tugging and biting at her clothes, gravity pulling her down to the hard landing below, the last thing she wanted was to fall. She stared up at him, this boy she'd loved and hated so much, and at first it didn't even register when she heard her own name ring in her ears. It always startled her; it wasn't often she heard her name come out of somebody else's mouth, and maybe she really had died and it was all just a hallucination, but despite it all, swinging one-handed in empty air, she managed something like a smile.

Her fingers slid down an inch and the smile curdled like sour milk, melting back into the aforementioned undignified screams. "H-h-he—..."

She somehow, somehow managed to flail up her free hand, locking her fingers around his wrist, pressing her feet against the frozen bricks. Her shoes slid down the ice, resisting any sort of footing, but with a lurch of strength, she managed to get a toehold back on the ledge. Against her better judgment, she cast a glance over her shoulder, to the stretch of concrete below.

Oh fuck. She really needed a drink after this.

He grid his teeth, cold steel searing up into his guts as he teetered over the edge of the fence. If only his arm hadn't been fucking broken, maybe he could have pulled her up, or get some sort of footing between the gates, or if he hadn't come up alone; something, anything might have helped then. If only life could throw him a bone here. She was dead weight in his grasp and he could already feel beads of sweat slicking up where he held onto her.

Jace had felt like this before, old wounds ripping away at him, the bitter chill of the winter breeze seeping into his bones. The rush of adrenaline in some fucking stupid life or death rush. Where had he been then? Some old mission? He could see it in glimpses in the back of his mind; ragged mats of silver fur and the flare of a smoking gun. Nepal. He managed to pry his eyes open, staring down at her. Their eyes met.

He'd seen them before. She was there, with him, with the rest of the group.

How could he have forgotten?

rude

The blonde couldn't shake her scream from her mind, every muscle in his body clenching as he pulled up, trying to get her at least to the point she could grab the top of the fence herself.

He looked her straight in the eyes. She stabilized her breathing, exhaling through her nose, trying to ignore the rapid thump of her heart against her rib cage.

Wouldn't this be the perfect time to die?

Her arms strained. It felt like they'd both pop out from the socket, like Legos, before letting her climb up, but she didn't let go. Evelyn counted down, three, two one, and grabbed at the top bar. She planted her foot on the ledge, and with one last burst of strength, flung herself over the rail, into his arms (or arm), and not caring about any of the rest.

"Stupid," she managed between shallow breaths, on the verge of hyperventilating, "stupid, stupid, oh my God, I'm so stupid, that was so stupid..." Tears brimmed at the edges of her eyes, still riding the tide of panic that had swelled up in her chest. "Id-idiot..."

For a second, it'd felt like they had both been gonners. With every slight tilt forward, he could all but see the two of them fall together, painting the pavement. He couldn't just go and let go of her, he'd never forgive himself, but he couldn't hold on that much longer either. By some miracle, she'd finally managed to scramble up towards him. Jace had no regard for manners then, yanking her up towards his shoulders his hand flashing to her back and clawing away at her clothes until she was near completely back over the ledge.

Jason crumpled to the ground, his legs turned to jelly, yet still able to keep her wrapped tightly up against him. His ass would turn damn wet, but damn, if there weren't far more pressing matters right then.

"Oh my God," He echoed with a hefty breath, "Are you alright? What... What the hell-" The words caught in his throat. What the hell was she thinking? Stupid? Yeah, that was an understatement.

Pain shot through his shoulder, splicing up the back of his neck. He winced, staring down at the snow. It hurt like crazy, but at least they were still alive.

There was no way she could answer that. Evelyn just laid there, not bothering to try to hide how fast she was breathing, still internally spiraling from everything that'd hit her in the last five minutes. "I'm—..." Ugh. I'm about to hurl.

She blinked her eyes open just in time to see the wrinkle in his expression, eyes clenched in pain. Evelyn jolted off of him, probably accidentally palming at the injured shoulder one or two times in the process. "O-oh! Ohohmygoodness...! Y-your arm, r-r-r-right, I'm s-s-sorry, I d-d-don't know wwwhat ha-happened..." If she was telling the truth, she still wasn't sure what was happening. This was all like a bad fever dream.

"Ow! He hissed through his teeth, caught in surprise as stumbled off of him, jabbing right where he'd been aching in the process. His head went on reeling, even as he paused to catch his breath; unaware that the worst was over. "Don't worry about me," a smile touched his lips, exasperated. They were both alive. Holy shit, neither of them should have been breathing still then. It was shitty, but he'd walked in at just the right time. He near gasped for breath again.

Jace hand ran through his hair, twisting up the locks in his fingers and pressing his palm harsh to his temple. "Eve," he started to say. Something about the name felt pleasant, even if just to mumble. God, what was he even supposed to say right now? How could you come up from That? "I gotta take you to the infirmary, or something..." He shook his head, lost. "If you're hurt..."

It felt like a stake through her heart every time he pieced her name together. Evelyn shook her head. "N-no..." She didn't need a doctor. She could self-medicate just fine, a little bit of rum, maybe a cigarette, and she'd be able to shake all this off... "I'm... I-I'm okay. Th-thank you."

What was the proper way to talk to him? What was he to her now, anyways...? A teacher? Did he even remember that she was his student?

"I sh-should just... go..."

Those simple words were enough to skip his heart in a bit of panic. Jesus, after what just happened, being alone sounded like the last thing that she needed. His golden eyes shot up and he shook his head. "Look, we don't have to talk about... anything..." It was hard to forget that sharp jab of hers. His jaw had been hurting for weeks. Everything had happened so fast, the details had felt hazy now; or was that just her? Her or her gift? He'd catch a glimpse of her file now and then, remorse eating away at him that he didn't try to go after her then, or at least stopped her. What happened to her after That? How the fuck did she end up here, he wondered for the tenth time.

Jason tried his best to keep up his smile then, slowly pulling himself back onto his feet; a wobbly process, but he managed, patting the snow off his hand before offering it out to her. "Can I get you something to eat, or...?" He asked, unsure.

Oh. Oh. He was just being nice to the girl he just saved, but she felt herself reacting in all the worst ways, face flushing, heart stopping. For awhile, she'd almost been able to convince herself that she just wanted distance from him, at this point. But right now, that felt like a flimsy lie. How was she supposed to stop swinging from puppy crush to revulsion every few exchanges of words between them?

No, that's okay, really, I should just head back home, she meant to say. "I-I mean... Um. Sure. Yeah. Sure..."

She shuffled her feet. She wanted to hit herself.

A silent sign of relief. Jason allowed himself to loosen up ever-so-slightly, wiping his palm on his shoulder and straightening out. Where were they supposed to go from there? He had found himself in most situations before, but this one felt a tad brand new. "I hope you're good with coffee then," he said. Something warm, something comfortable, if only to try and help put both their minds at ease. The warmth would be an exceptional bonus.

With a slow swoop to grab his soggy lunch bag, he made his way towards the door; playing off his pains best he could. He'd live.

Jace tried his damnest to lighten the air a little lighter. " Need me to carry you?" He caught himself, probably making shit worse. Not to mention... "Arm isn't that bad." So reassuring. "Not that you would want to be -" ...

Fuck. Fuck it. Jace ran a few fingers up through his bangs, putting on a smile and trying to play off his unkeen choose of words.

Coffee. She blinked, nodding absently. Yeah, coffee was fine. If only it was raining, huh...? Evelyn grimaced, careful to get up without causing the poor man any further damage. Her head was still spinning too much to deal with his goofy gestures, the boyish way he brushed away at his hair, his smile that read equal parts playful and apologetic.

Heck.

She raised her eyebrows, eyes flicking from his cast to the ground and up at him again, wondering if it was pointless to ask if he was actually serious. Evelyn decided against it, wordlessly shaking her head as she followed him back down. Now wasn't the time to be cheeky. He'd saved her life, she guessed.