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Sleepy
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Sleepy

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PostSubject: Screenshot dump   Screenshot dump EmptyTue Jul 29, 2014 8:17 pm

Introducing Frenya Greyjoy, only living trueborn child and heir to King Euron Crow's Eye, the one true Queen of Salt and Rock, Daughter of the Sea Wind, Lady of Blacktyde and the Seastone Isles, and Lord Reaper of Pyke.

She enjoys long walks on the beach, deep conversation, holding hands, romance novels, destroying her enemies, brutally executing entire families, pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain. Call me.
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(they were promptly executed, except for my husband Maron, whom I ransomed)
(and that was the second time I completely obliterated an entire family)
(I did this two more times in the following years)
(the moral of the story is to not fuck with little girls)
(no godless man may sit the Seastone Chair, bitch)
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(I divorced Maron in favor of his nephew because lol)
(also got pregnant at 16-17ish)
(while leading a rebellion against the heir of the first King whose family I murdered)
(and that was the third time I obliterated an entire family)
(don't fuck with little girls)
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(honestly wasn't paying any attention to Essos or mainland Westeros this whole time because I was too busy getting pregnant and executing high-profile prisoners)
(but here's a random patch of North where Meereen was)
(shit is fucked)
(RIP Daenerys)

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Falcon

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PostSubject: Re: Screenshot dump   Screenshot dump EmptyWed Jul 30, 2014 8:51 am

Is A Song of Fire and Ice a romance novel?

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Sleepy
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PostSubject: Re: Screenshot dump   Screenshot dump EmptyWed Jul 30, 2014 12:08 pm

King Falcon I wrote:
Is A Song of Fire and Ice a romance novel?

A Storm of Swords:
 

In other words, yes.

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Sleepy
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PostSubject: Re: Screenshot dump   Screenshot dump EmptyWed Jul 30, 2014 3:46 pm

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Declaring war on my father-in-law.

Sorry. I was rather fond of you, but a Greyjoy must always sit the Seastone Chair. You Harlaws are getting uncomfortably powerful anyways.
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That was rather easy.

My son by my first husband Maron (Qhored Harlaw) controls the High Lordships of Great Wyk and most of Harlaw. I, his mother, control the High Lordships of Pyke and the Seastone Isles. My dear upstart father-in-law, who I let govern peacefully these last few years while I forged marriage ties and popped out Greyjoy heirs, only controlled the province of Stonetree.

Qhored didn't join my war, but it didn't turn out to be necessary. After I beat Tarle a few times he conceded to my demands and abdicated for my son, Norne Greyjoy. All hail the Iron King.

(Tarle was released from Norne's dungeon soon after, thankfully. I didn't want to have to kill the man. He still likes me too apparently which is lol.)

My hope is that once Frenya bites the dust, I'll be able to change the succession laws for kingship as Norne. Fuck Kingsmoots.

I'm getting a little worried about my son Qhored's heirs (as they will inherit both the High Lordships of Harlaw and Great Wyk), but right now I'm just too happy about the Goodbrothers getting quadruple-fucked. Fuck the Goodbrothers.

Also there's a civil war in Westeros or whatever.
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(the Stormlander dude won, I believe)
(I don't know what happened to the Queen)
(WAR OF THE USURPER 2.0 WOOTWOOT)

EDIT: oh shit
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EDIT2: Qhored died of pneumonia and now that father-in-law I usurped has all his old titles.

FML

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Stormi
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PostSubject: Re: Screenshot dump   Screenshot dump EmptyWed Jul 30, 2014 5:45 pm

Sleepy, do us all a favor and never run for any government jobs when you're older.

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Sleepy
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PostSubject: Re: Screenshot dump   Screenshot dump EmptyWed Jul 30, 2014 5:58 pm

Stormi wrote:
Sleepy, do us all a favor and never run for any government jobs when you're older.

*executes*

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Falcon

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PostSubject: Re: Screenshot dump   Screenshot dump EmptyWed Jul 30, 2014 7:07 pm

If Sleepy was a Pokemon, he'd be an Exeggcute.

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Sleepy
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PostSubject: Re: Screenshot dump   Screenshot dump EmptyWed Jul 30, 2014 7:26 pm

I declare war on god damn fucking Tarle Harlaw, because he was now in possession of half the country and was being an all-around asshole, making political maneuvers to name himself heir to the Iron Islands. Our numbers were about even, but I managed to prevail because Frenya don't take no shit. I name my husband Andrik as Lord of Harlaw and Great Wyk, Tarle fucks off to my son's court in Stonetree, and everything's good.

I now own the islands of Pyke, Blacktyde, Orkmont, Old Wyk, Saltcliffe, and Lonely Light. My husband now owns Harlaw and Great Wyk. When Andrik dies, those titles will pass down to our son, Norne. My son Tarle Greyjoy (bad name now I realize, I guess the AI named him after his dickhole grandpa) has married the last Farwynd of Sealskin Point and their children will inherit lands on Great Wyk. Norne's children by his aunt will come to rule Harlaw. For the first time in over 40 years, maybe 50, the Iron Islands will be one, stable, united kingdom under Greyjoy rule. After that, I can focus on our true goal: the Iron Throne and the rich lands of the mainland Westerosi. It'll take years of planning and careful maneuvering, but nobody on the Isles could even think of opposing us now, so there's no distractions from ―

Annnnnd hello Tarle Harlaw. Revolting again, I see. The Merlyns of Pebbleton backing you? Greaat.

Technically it was my husband leading the war against the Merlyns, but I did all the work, because my husband is a massive pussy. During the war Frenya personally killed two important commanders. My husband captured the last Merlyns and put them to death, and what-do-you-know, becomes the new Lord of Pebbleton. Great Wyk is even more under our control, and Tarle Harlaw has fucked off to the Riverlands.

Well, that's fantastic. Now we can finally ―

guess what

three guesses

i'll give you three guesses what happened

did you guess that tarle harlaw swore fealty to the lady paramount of the riverlands and usurped my husband's title as lord of harlaw

so there is this ugly riverlander blue where my beautiful greyjoy black once was

and so that he has the backing of one of the most powerful people in westeros if i want to say anything about it

did you

'cause if you guessed that you'd be right

I immediately declare war. Riverlanders are pussies. Ironborn stronk. Frenya destroys the army they send over, defeats the Reachmen from the Arbor that come over to the Lady Paramount's aid, and then lays siege to the holdings they took on Harlaw.

And then my game crashed.

FML.

tl;dr fuck in-laws

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Last edited by Sleepy on Thu Jul 31, 2014 9:28 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Lilac
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PostSubject: Re: Screenshot dump   Screenshot dump EmptyWed Jul 30, 2014 8:59 pm

Frenya Greyjoy is one bad-ass chick.

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Stormi
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PostSubject: Re: Screenshot dump   Screenshot dump EmptyThu Jul 31, 2014 9:09 am

don't fuck with little girls

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Sleepy
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PostSubject: Re: Screenshot dump   Screenshot dump EmptyThu Jul 31, 2014 6:15 pm

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The Iron Throne throws its support behind the Lady Paramount of the Riverlands. Frenya dies of natural causes at the ripe old age of 46 before she can drive the invaders from our shores. Her piece of shit imbecile son takes over, but without Frenya, the war is lost. Tarle Harlaw dies as well, but his son still rules most of the island.

Soon after, the Stormlander king on the Iron Throne lays claim to our holy islands and invades again. Norne is too much of a pussy to drive them back. Everything Frenya worked for, for nearly 50 years, crumbles into nothing. The game begins to bug out at this point. The proud ironborn are reduced to thralldom. Tarle Harlaw's ghost laughs at me from the deepest pit of hell as all my vassals begin to plot against me. Everything's gone wrong. I'm so done with this game. Even if my dynasty survives, it'll all be for nothing. I don't have the strength to revolt against the Iron Throne and I can't make any alliances on the mainland because everybody despises my religion and my culture.

The Old Way is dead. The Iron Kings of Salt and Rock are gone. Also, Aztecs are invading. Fucking Aztecs. I'm not even joking.

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Frenya didn't die for this shit.

I'm done. I hate Frenya's failure of a son. I hate the Westerosi that quash my people under an iron heel. I hate how everything's beginning to glitch. I hate my vassals. I hate the god damn Harlaws.

I'm not going to let the Greyjoy name live on in shame, though. I'm going out with a bang.

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What is dead may never die.

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